I have a confession to make.
You know all of those motivational blogs and inspirational videos that I produce? Well, I don’t always listen to my own advice.
In fact, I can be pretty bad at it.
Finding balance in my life has been quite difficult lately and I have had to step back and re-assess what my goals are and how I’m going about achieving them. And, to what expense.
My life has felt very much out of control lately. I have been working really hard and feeling exhausted and cranky.
You know, I used to think that I could section off my life like perfect little slices of pie.
A slice of wife, a slice of business owner, two slices of mom and so forth.
But I now believe that balance may be an unattainable goal. Certainly the way I was looking at it.
If you are striving for perfection in everything – your home, friendships, marriage, parenting and employment – then I am here to say that you will never get there.
Sorry friends. Life beat me down last week and it made me realize that we simply cannot be perfect at everything.
If you already knew this, awesome. Despite having written and vlogged about this repeatedly, I am just now getting there.
The John Collins Recipe
My father, John Collins, is an entrepreneur and business owner. He taught me that winners get up early and seize the day ready to compete and to jump on each new opportunity.
My inherited entrepreneurial spirit propels me to success but also compels me to work until I’m ready to crack.
The Life Coaching business is demanding and super competitive. Sometimes I feel like I am never doing enough and that I can’t get ahead no matter how much effort I’m putting in.
Being a wife and mother can feel the same way, right?
Last week I reached my breaking point. I was not being the kind of mom or wife that I wanted to be because I was always exhausted and stressed.
Do you know why? Because instead of striving for a balanced life, I was trying to give everything one hundred percent and have a perfect life.
That is simply not possible, and once I accepted that fact things got a little easier.
Accepting Perfect Imperfection
So there you have it. I had a little mini breakdown last week.
But I’m back and ready to lay down some knowledge on how to allow ourselves to be perfectly imperfect.
This type of comeback is called the Pivot and Shoot! Check out my recent blog on this topic.
The pivot move here was for me to accept my own imperfections.
I started allowing people to enter my home when it wasn’t perfectly clean
I stopped taking jobs that were just about the money but didn’t feel right
I started to allow my husband to care for our four year-old in his own way without criticizing every mismatched outfit or crazy hairstyle
Things really started getting better for me when I went on some soul-searching long walks. I decided I had to talk with my husband about taking on some of the responsibilities.
Of course I practiced the speech with my cat first, but I did finally get the courage to do it. Thanks, Glory.
I got past the idea of doing everything perfectly, all by myself, and opened up to the idea of asking for and receiving help. (Where have I heard that one before…?)
As a mom, I tend to feel like the majority of the household chores fall on me. Things like cleaning, grocery shopping and meal planning. That means that when I get home from work I still have another eight-hour shift ahead of me working around the house.
While my husband is amazing and helps out, I found myself frustrated as I watched him bounce home from work and take it easy for a bit while playing with the kids.
If life was just that easy!
Well, duh! It can be. It’s all a matter of perception.
So I pivoted. I asked him for help. And I asked him very specifically.
For example, “I need for you to have the laundry done every week by Tuesday night.” Or, “I need for you to plan and make the meals on Monday, Wednesday and Friday nights.”
Once I asked for this very specific help, my husband knew exactly what his chores were and when he had to get them done by.
Now the next step to this is that I need to be okay if these tasks are not done.
He Did it His Way
If my husband is responsible for the laundry and he doesn't do it – then it just doesn't get done. That means I don't nag him or get on his case about it. If it doesn't get done then I guess he has no socks or underwear until it does get done.
If his job is to take one of the kids to an appointment but he can’t get out of work and misses it, then he needs to reschedule it!
Once I started to be crystal clear on the help that I was asking for, and then allowed him to have ownership of those chores, our marriage felt more like a partnership. The resentments vanished and I became grateful for his help.
Ladies, if you have kids your work-life balance is not going to be like a perfectly cut pie where every slice is equal. We actually can’t have it all despite what the commercials and social media feeds are trying to convince us of.
I can't give one hundred percent at BOTH work and home. That would be two hundred percent, and I was never very good at math but I know that's not right.
So go ahead and dig into that pie this week, girls, but just know that some of your slices will be smooshed and wonky. When that happens, remember that you are still eating pie! Pie is good!
Will you join me and throw the word “balance” out the window? What is another more sustainable word or phrase we could use in its place?
Leave your ideas in the comments section below!
Join My Tribe!
If you would like to join a group of like-minded women who are on a mission to support each other, please consider joining my Facebook group called Living Purposefully.
I provide the following within this private group:
Content usually reserved only for clients
Weekly live videos
Supportive and motivational messages
Exciting group exercises
In fact, this week (week of November 18) I will be conducting an online workshop called "Inspire".
Monday: Let’s talk journals and why everyone should have one! Live video at 7:45pm EST
Tuesday: Let’s talk affirmations and the power of I AM. Live video: 7:45pm EST
Wednesday: What does she have that I don’t and other BS stories we tell ourselves.
Live video 11:45AM EST
Thursday: Let’s just say NO. How to implement saying NO with confidence. Live video 4:45pm
Friday: Focus on our strengths! You’ve got a ton of them believe me!
Live video: 4:30pm EST
There will be GIFT CARD GIVEAWAYS throughout this whole series - you are entered if you comment!
Looking forward to this time with you guys! Let’s grow together. Click here for the Facebook group!
Ready to find your purpose and your freedom? Schedule your free Breakthrough Session here.
With gratitude, Brooke